I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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