Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
