Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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