i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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