I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
