You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
