i barfeds in our rink
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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