I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
