I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
