i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
no, he came in my armpit
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
