I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
