then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
