you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We're too hungover to prance.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
