I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
