3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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