he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm really busy with my period
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
