Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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