nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
