my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
