...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
