I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
