She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
