Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
