Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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