I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
