Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
