I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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