Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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