goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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