are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
