I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
