I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
