Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need water and some morals
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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