I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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