I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
