its not stalking. its research.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
