And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
