He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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