I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
