I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize