a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
