I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
