she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
