god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Plan B is the new Plan A
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
