She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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