only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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