would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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