Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
