yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
