What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
