I heard we made out
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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