I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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