My first STD was from a foam party
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
