if you like me you must not know who I am
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
