don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
