Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm getting married
To pizza
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
