butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
