We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
