Jerry, you need to find god
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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