My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize