If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
