Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Congratulations! We have a period
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