You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There are leaves in my underwear?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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