dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
