idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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