defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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