Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
