Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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