woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So squirting runs in the family.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
