like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
