you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
