The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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