I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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