I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
