My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Shame - the story of my life.
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