I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize