your thong is hanging out like whoa
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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