do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
