Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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