the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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